So, over a month ago I got some pretty shitty news. And it totally knocked me off my usual happy balance. I’ve felt lost, unmotivated, unsure of myself, and SO lacking in any confidence.
In fact, it seemed to have affected my confidence so much, that it changed things about me I wouldn’t have even expected. I’m a pretty social person usually, I LOVE seeing my friends, going out with Gary, planning fun things, and generally trying to find as many blog events close to me as possible.
However, throughout February my confidence stopped everything. I cancelled on friends continuously, even though I wanted to spend time with them. I asked Gary if we could stay in and order takeout, or watch a movie; rather than go out. I was supposed to do restaurant reviews, go to blog events, and go work on some cool projects. I cancelled everything, no matter how much I told myself I wouldn’t.
I avoided leaving the house at all if possible.
Social anxiety started to take over a little, and it’s hard to go into WHY; but basically I just felt so low with my self esteem. I felt ugly, and ‘on show’ in public, I got anxious at the thought of being with friends/people in general. I didn’t want anyone to ask what was up, and I didn’t want to have to pretend I was happy. I just wasn’t myself at all.
Even though I’m not going to talk about the bad news I got, I will say this; It’s REALLY hard to pick yourself up when something you’ve been working towards falls through, and you feel really unsure of things you always thought you knew. So I’ve needed this time to get back on my feet again.
I spoke about this briefly on one of my recent Youtube videos, about how I’m slowly trying to put myself back together. Actually, this is a perfect example – Youtube! I’m trying to push myself once again. Trying to get motivated and believe in myself once again – I’m hoping my confidence will come back. I’m now enjoying a much more relaxed attitude to Youtube, and I’m really loving it! So yeah, gimme a little subscribe? (shameless plug).
Anyway, I’m here! I’m trying to get back to the Jemma you all know, and sort of like sometimes 😉
I’m determined to make March a much better one, and get my damn mojo back! In fact, I’ve even took the plunge and agreed to give a masterclass at #BlogConLDN – EEK! So if you’re attending on March 18th, you’ll find me nervously bumbling my way through that, with plenty of passion! Please do say hello, as I’m absolutely going to need support/friends around!
I also booked myself a stay over trip a few days later, again in London, for the Makeup Revolution 3rd Birthday party! I was invited last year but I never made the trip. This year I’m excited to be attending, but super nervous. Everyone else will no doubt look like a model and I’ll be an EGG. Ughhh. But I’ll get drunk and hope for the best.
March also means saying goodbye to local Liverpool bloggers! On the 11th I’m meeting up with some amazing local babes to have a drink and a day of catching up, before I move to Plymouth (end of April). I’m sad to be leaving, but it’ll feel so nice to know that in my time blogging, I’ve made some amazing friends here who I’ll treasure always. Cue the tears though…
This week? Gary and I have been the cinema to see the Lego Batman movie (hilarious) and I’ve even rearranged some of those blog meetings/brand collabs I cancelled in February. I feel really proud, and I hope to stick to them! Here’s to slowly building my confidence back up. I’m not all there yet… and sorry to friends I have cancelled on repeatedly. I really am. It’s a struggle for me at the moment.
But hopefully this is the start of a better month.
Love you guys <3