With the year drawing to a close, and the inevitable masses of ‘New year, new me!’ mantras popping up all over Facebook; I can’t help but think about how I’ve already changed. I feel a world away from the girl (okay, woman..) I was at the start of the year. I didn’t realise at the time, but 2014 was going to change a whole lot for me.
In January I was still in the same job I had been in for two years, which I hated. Okay, hate is a strong word to be honest. It was ‘fine’. I had plenty of friends there, I was making alright money – and by that, I mean I was working all the hours under the sun to get by, with a little over. But it was a thousand miles from anything career wise I actually wanted to do. After almost ten years working in retail/customer service I was beginning to crack. I had less patience, I was grumpier, I couldn’t laugh things off. To top it all off, there was one person in work making my life hell. I started getting seriously stressed out, my panic attacks became more frequent, and I was becoming a mere shadow of the easy going person I used to be. It’s fair to say, by Feb/March I’d had enough. It was far too much, so I quit my job and decided I needed to look after myself. And then came the inevitable panic over quitting my job..
The next few months became quite miserable to be honest. I was looking for work constantly, up until 3am sometimes applying for jobs. I felt queasy all the time, and my panic attacks were still going strong despite seeking medical advice. To top it all off, being on benefits to support myself was absolutely awful. I don’t think people realise how bad it is unless you’ve been in that situation, so let me quickly sum it up. Even if you are educated, qualified, experienced, desperate for work, obviously trying your hardest, and basically a stand up citizen; you will still be treated like utter shit by the job centre. Oh! And the biggest joke of all? They never once helped me in any way get a job. No advice, no job updates, NOTHING. Just a weekly patronizing tone and signature on a piece of paper, thanks. I regularly left the place almost in tears. I wanted a job so badly, and was treated like lazy, money grabbing scum. I’m sorry about my little rant here, I just need to put it in perspective for you all on how bad I felt.
Anyway.. I finally did find work for myself; temporary jobs here and there. And for the rest of the year, it was just a series of new starts in new places. But by this time, I had began blogging. I never expected much from it, other than creating a place to be myself and be creative. But a whole new world was opened up to me without warning! I found a whole new mass of friends who shared my hobbies and quirks, I was motivated to work on my Art again, I suddenly had something that took over my days/evenings, and something that inspired me to be me again. My confidence had taken a huge hit at the start of the year, but it was slowly coming back to me now. The biggest supporter of this was Gary, and he seen how positively it was changing me.
As many of you know, we finally (after 3 and half years together) got our own place together last month, and we have been in our own little bubble since. It has felt amazing to build a home with the man I love, and make a space we can feel proud of. And Gary has continued to support me through everything, including trying to find a job somewhere I can really sink my teeth into. Somewhere that will inspire me, allow me to do something I’m passionate about and start building a career.
..And that job has come! As of a few days ago; I managed to nab a position working for a website company handling their social media and digital applications. Basically a dream job for me! I still can’t believe it. They have took a chance on me and allowed me to take the first step into this field of work, without any experience. Which is just so amazing. And the craziest part? It’s all because of this blog. This little place here, these words on this page, my little home away from home. They were impressed with it, and appreciated the dedication I have put in to make it work and learn for myself. When they told me that, I was utterly blown away. I felt so proud of my little blog. And thankful for anyone who reads it. That means YOU.
Today as I publish this, it’s Monday. My first official day at my new job. I’m so nervous. Big changes are going to happen. I don’t know if I’m ready for it all.. But I’m gonna go with it anyway. After all, at the start of the year I had no job, I lived with my family still, I was miserable, and really ill. Today, I have an exciting new job, a lovely new home, a sweet/supportive/loving boyfriend, and new hopes. I can’t wait for 2015, to see what else life will bring.
New year, new me? No thanks. This ‘me’ is working out just great. x
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