So here’s the thing; when starting a family, or wanting to, people tend to keep the subject shrouded in secrecy until they are pregnant and can confirm and share it with the world. I totally get this, it makes sense and there’s a lot to factor in on why people do this. However, for me personally; I feel like I need to share this journey right from the beginning with people. I’m already bound to have a million worries and fears anyway, so having nobody to talk to about it would only make things worse. Plus, I think it might be refreshing to see someone who currently knows NOTHING about pregnancy and babies, share their story. I’m gonna be upfront and honest, and I hope you’ll be okay with that. So this brings me to my decision to share this journey openly with you guys, from the very beginning.
Firstly, just to note; I am not pregnant. We decided early on in 2017 that 2018 would be the year we go for it and try for a baby.
And secondly, please, please, be kind. I’m sharing this to try ease my own worries, get helpful advice from others, and feel like I have a close knit community behind me. I don’t need or want any scare-mongering, judgement or nasty vibes. That probably goes without saying, and it’s probably not needed to be said as you lot are bloody wonderful; but thought I’d state the obvious, just in case.
So, when and why did we decide?
Gary and I have always wanted children, it’s something we spoke about first the first year we were together actually! But it was always ‘one day’ and I never felt even remotely close to being ready until very late 2016. I can’t exactly explain what changed, I just know I took to imagining us starting family more often. However it wasn’t until mid 2017 that we really sat down and decided to put a plan in place. This year as you know, we moved from Liverpool all the way down to Plymouth. We now have a house we call home, and a lot more security and space than we did before. I already knew I didn’t want a child while living in Liverpool. Nothing bad at all, I’m very proud of where I come from. I just knew if we had a child there, we would settle there, and never move; and that was never what I wanted. I always wanted to explore somewhere else, set roots down somewhere new, and have a fresh start. So once we moved to Plymouth, starting a family felt a lot closer on my radar than it ever had before. We have a house, we have more space, we have more stability. This includes both our jobs too; Gary now has a permanent contract rather than temporary one, he got a promotion this year, he works much better hours (no more nights!) and is happier than ever. I myself am on a small wage (okay, TINY!) working for myself, but things have been steady enough for the past 2 years that I feel ‘safe’ now bringing up a child in this environment. I can work from home, I know my business well, and I know I can make it work. It felt like everything came together in 2017, so we decided to see out the year, and then try for a baby in 2018.
The one thing stopping me for the past 6 months was the fact that we were engaged. I always wanted to be married first before a child, but we haven’t even started saving for a wedding to be honest. It’s so expensive and it annoys me how much stress goes into them typically. It got to the point I felt like we were putting babies, travel, anything, …our whole lives on hold, until we could get married. And I finally just said, ‘screw it’. I really don’t want to put my whole life on hold, while I plan for just ONE DAY. So in 2018, hopefully we’ll have a baby; and then we plan to book the tiniest of weddings ever. Not even a ‘proper’ wedding really; just a registry office, a photographer, and a little party with our closest people afterwards. It feels right, and all I care about is becoming Mrs Mead. I don’t mind if it’s not a whole Pinterest ordeal.
So, what now?
Well in true super organised, over the top, Jemma style; I’ve already moved my work space from the spare room into the bedroom, and started clearing it out ready to make it a nursery. I began the first layer of painting last week (just a white coat until I AM actually pregnant, then we’ll decide on a colour scheme when we know the sex) – and it was so fun to get started!
We’ll be trying from January onward, and being pretty chilled about it. We may get pregnant straight away, it may take us a long, long time. Who knows? It’s strange to think in my late teens I was terrified every little thing would get me pregnant, and now I’m worrying that I won’t. 2007 Jemma wouldn’t believe this. But any extra time we have as just a twosome is fine, we’re happy, we’re being as healthy as we can, and we’re enjoying preparing for the future.
The stuff you want to know:
So I asked on Twitter if there was anything you guys would like to know, and you asked a few things I thought I’d answer here.
How did you know it was the right time? : I’m not sure what the ‘right’ time is, but we got our circumstances as best we could, and decided to stop putting our life on hold out of fear! 🙂
How many children do you want, and do you have a preference on boys or girls? : Gary and I have both agreed two children; one boy, one girl, would be absolutely perfect! But that’s not how life works, and we’ll be so happy either way. We actually would love twins, to get the whole two kids thing done in one go, haha! And I DO secretly have a wish for what sex we have if it’s one child. But I feel way too mean to share this part! I worry we’ll announce we’re having the opposite sex, and people will judge me and think I’m not just as happy (which I absolutely would be!). So I think that’s the part I’ll leave secret for now. Feel free to guess whether I’m hoping for a boy or girl though! Haha.
Do you have names prepared? : YES. We have two full girls names and two full boys names lined up (middle names and everything!). This is so that we’re prepared for any outcome, and we’ve had these chosen for over two or three years now to be honest! I can tell you my girls names begin with R & A, and my boys names both begin with J! HINT – I love girls names that can also be boys names, and our first choice boys name is taken from our FAVOURITE film of all time.
Do you have a birth plan? : OMG NO. Nope. Not at all. Not even sure what one is apart from ‘have babeh’. So yep. Good luck Jemma.
Are you worried about your finances? : YES. This is a huuuge worry for me, the greatest of all I’d say. It’s the one thing that has flooded me with panic, and I’ve actually cried over. However a chat with my mum eased everything. She assured me that she had less money than I do, and she had 3 kids who all grew up fed, clothed, educated and kind. She told me to prepare however I can, but ultimately know they we have loads of support, and it’ll all work out. Fingers crossed. (This is the bit where I remind you guys every single sale helps me!!)
How do you feel being a mum living so far from your own? : HORRIBLE. Scared. Blehh. But it’ll bring us closer, and I know we will do everything we can to make it work! Luckily technology (video calling) etc, will help!
So here we are, the very end of 2018, planning such big life changes. Please wish us luck, send all your love and support, and remind me that I CAN DO THIS; because I’m sure I’ll need reminding often! x
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