Hello again folks! I hope you’re all having a wonderful week.
Right now I’m enjoying the pitter-pattering of rain against my window, I’m slouching about in a Tshirt and joggers, and I’m feeling all the cosy vibes. I have a few hours spare for once, and a little motivation; so I really wanted to share a blog post with you guys today.
At the moment of writing this, I’m almost 17 weeks pregnant (just over 4 months), and even though I’m still on the early end of pregnancy, it feels like I’ve been going through this forever already! There has been so much good and bad to it, and I’ve tried to document my journey with blog posts and Insta updates so far. Today I wanted to talk about some of the unexpected parts of pregnancy I’ve experienced already; in the hopes others can relate to this, or it may open some people’s eyes! So sit back, grab a cuppa, and let’s dive in.
5 Things I Didn’t Expect From Pregnancy
1. How sick I’d be.
I know morning sickness is a normal and expected part of pregnancy (apart from a lucky few who never get it!), but I really didn’t expect just how badly I would get it. I’ve spent over 3 months being sick everyday, multiple times. There was a month where I was throwing up constantly, and the feeling never seemed to give. I stayed on the couch and binged a lot of Netflix for those few weeks. Even now at this stage, most people stop experiencing nausea, but I still am. Thankfully, it really has slowed down. But I’m still sick every morning (expect for maybe a lucky day or two here or there) and nausea is still a regular part of my day. I’m still hoping it goes, so please cross your fingers for me guys.
I already knew from other mums that I’d have opinions put on me from everywhere. But I didn’t realise the EXTENT to which they are shoved down your throat, and quite frankly; I’m sick to death of it. I’ve never been one to enjoy opinions I haven’t asked for anyway, and I have a quick temper; so the past few months have already tested me quite a few times. It absolutely baffles me how other people (usually people I’ve never met) can feel okay about telling me what I should or shouldn’t be doing. I’m honestly just one more opinion away from just telling people to out right fuck off. I’m sick to death already of having to add ‘disclaimers’ onto everything I do.
If people see me drinking a can of Diet Coke on Instagram my inbox get’s messages like, ‘You should you should really be drinking more water, and avoiding caffeine’. OH REALLY? I did not know this at all! Thank you for enlightening me! And it’s also AMAZING how you, a stranger, suddenly knows my water intake. Wow. Such magic.
You get the point. I don’t even have to be doing or talking about anything remotely baby related and people will be like, ‘Oh just thought you should know you shouldn’t do this…’. Mate, go away. Look after your own child (a lot of opinions come from people who have never been pregnant also, just FYI). The worst example so far was when I spoke on Twitter about being excited to find out the sex of the baby and someone had a go at me for focusing on gender. ARE YOU KIDDING. My future child can identify as whatever gender they like, and it won’t matter to me. But you better believe I’m excited to learn anything and everything about this baby growing inside me for now. Again, fuck off.
(Sorry this turned into such a rant, but srsly guys, it’s bad.)
3. To be such a worrier.
Ahh man, I let myself down on this one. I really thought I’d be super chill when it comes to this baby thing. I thought my positive attitude would mean I don’t stress about anything, but how wrong I was! It turns out, the mama gene kicked in hard for me early, and I’ve been worried about EVERYTHING. I’ve countless times ran through every single thing that could go wrong with my pregnancy or the baby, and been convinced it’ll happen to me. In fact, at my last midwife appointment in the hospital, I asked if they would listen for the baby’s heartbeat even though that weren’t what I was there for; because I was SO worried something was wrong. They kindly did, and my worries slipped away as soon as I heard that quick beat of my baby’s heart echoing around the room. Of course now, less than 2 weeks later, I’m worried about other things. It seems I’ve turned into a hot mess, who regularly wakes Gary in the middle of the night with a concern. Fun!
4. Playing out future scenarios.
Now of course I’m imagining all the wonderful moments from when baby is here; holding them for the first time, seeing them grow, teaching them to walk, painting with them, raising them to be happy and confident, etc. But what I really didn’t expect, was to be imagining the most specific and bizarre random scenarios I’ll be faced with as a parent. For example, I’ve been worrying about Santa Claus and God. Yep, really. So the Santa thing – I really want to bring that magic of Christmas to my child, see the wonder in their eyes, all that. But I also feel bad lying to them. It’s normal though, and I know it won’t matter really; but I can’t help wonder when they will learn the truth? When will they be disappointed? Hmm. But the more worrying thing for me is religion, and God(s). As a few may know, Gary and I are both firm atheists. I don’t believe in God, I don’t believe anything happens after we die, I believe this is the only life we have, and this is it. However, I also 100% respect and appreciate people who have different beliefs. But how do I tackle this with a child? I won’t lie to them or skirt around anything, and I’ll present them with all the facts of why I’ve come to this conclusion, but I also want them to know I’m happy for them to believe whatever they want. And also, if I do subconsciously or otherwise influence my child into also being an atheist, I don’t necessarily want them to tell other children their age that they’re ‘wrong’ about their beliefs. I want them to respect others and understand nobody has all the answers. But how do you explain all this to a young child?! That SUCH a big ask, I know some adults who can’t respectfully have a conversation about this. So I guess I just wonder how I’ll tackle those ‘BIG’ parenting moments. This all seems so specific and random, but it’s just a tiny hint of all the things I’ve been pondering about being a parent!
5. How my mental health would be affected.
I’ve banged on enough about how hard this thing has been physically, but I definitely didn’t expect pregnancy to have such an effect on my mental health. Sure, my hormones have been all over the place which accounts for some things; but there has also definitely been some real issues that have affected me. The constant exhaustion and nausea meant I couldn’t go out really, see people, or do anything much for myself, and it left me feeling HOPELESS. I went around 7 weeks unable to be creative, and this massively put me on a downer. It really made me feel like I’d lost all the bits of myself that I loved most, and it was so disheartening. On top of all that, every time I went near a mirror I was aghast at my reflection, which doesn’t do wonders for your emotional well being. I’m doing much better now in the second trimester, but I wish I’d known beforehand that it’s normal for your mental health to drastically take a nose dive during pregnancy.
I hope some of you found this at least mildly interesting! I’m sure there are lots more unexpected parts of pregnancy awaiting me too, but it’s already been quite a journey! 🙂
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