Starting over after a love relationship has ended is hard. Your confidence is shaken, you are an emotional wreck, and you are lost as to how to begin again. Emotionally, the pain can be agonizing, but denying it or suppressing what you are feeling only prolongs the grief. Consider this a crossroads in your life and be prepared to move on in a new direction.
Take this time to do a personal assessment of thinking in terms of the ideal you. In the former relationship were you the best you could be physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? Are there ways you would improve your communication skills? Did you feel overpowered by your partner and not free to express yourself naturally? Thes are things we need to ponder on before becoming involved again.
Tips For Recovery
1. Make a list of the things you enjoyed about your former partner and the things that were rubbed you the wrong way or annoyed you in the relationship.
2. Decide what you would like to contribute to a lasting partnership when you meet someone new. Think about what you need from them.
3. Describe on paper your ideal mate including physical attributes, how they express their emotions, their thought processes, and their beliefs. Use this as a guideline when you meet someone new.
4. Not everyone is perfect, so decide what you can compromise on about them as well as what is a deal breaker you would not be able to live with.
5. Think of clubs, events, social occasions, hobbies where you might meet someone that would share common interests. This is a great way to ease back into the dating scene.
6. When you are ready, let friends and family know that you are ready to date again. Tell them the type of person you are looking for and if they think they know someone that is a good match, ask for an introduction.
7. If you engage in casual sex, use protection. Get tested frequently to guarantee you haven’t contracted an STD. Most of all enjoy yourself!!
8. Online dating services can be tricky. There is no accountability for honesty in the cyber world. Predators, both men, and women know how to play on your vulnerability. Go slow before arranging a face to face meeting. Be very wary if the chat turns to cybersex quickly.
9. Meeting people in a social setting such as bars and nightclubs are not always ideal. Always take a friend and leave with them. Do not make decisions about someone else when under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs. Buy your own drinks and do not leave them unattended.
10. Rebound relationships usually don’t last, so make decisions that slowly about a new relationship. Do not let fear and loneliness be the motivator to finding someone new.
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