Recently I found myself feeling miserable, if I’m honest. I’ve spent the last 3 or 4 weeks just not quite feeling as happy as I should be, or could be, and I’ve had enough. After a bit of a cry or two, with Gary, I wrote down everything that was bothering me, and starting thinking up ways I could change things. It made me feel better to get everything out in the open, and I found that things weren’t all as bad as they seemed in my head. The one thing that was evident though, was that I needed to make some changes. After going over everything, I planned out the five changes I want to make, and I’ll be implementing them from now on. I thought I’d share them today with you guys too.
1. Cultivate a wardrobe I love. I want to basically create a bit of a capsule wardrobe for myself; without all the rules. I just want to stop all unnecessary or spontaneous spending completely, and have a wardrobe full of clothes I genuinely love. I usually use new clothes as a way of trying to feel better about my body (that I don’t love) and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it just doesn’t end up working for me. In the end I’ve spent more money, on something that doesn’t change how I feel, and I have something else hung up that I’ll never wear, or that I didn’t really need. So I’m going to stick to the clothes I DO wear, and feel okay in, even if they’re simple and boring, and I’m no longer going to continue this bad habit of spending to try feel better. If it means I stick to tshirts and jeans everyday; so be it. I don’t want to use clothing as a crutch for my body issues.
2. Organise my finances. I’ve spoken before about working for myself, and how it affects my mental health; and a big part of that is down to money. I am in NO WAY saying that organising my finances will make me much better off, because the fact is I’m on an extremely low income either way and I don’t want to imply that I’m simply disorganised. However, I do think that if I start keeping track of every little thing our money goes on, I can make better choices. Little things like better meal planning, shopping around, and charging slightly more for my work will all help me get organised and feel so much better. Even just being able to pay off bills ahead of time would make me cry with joy, as right now I’m in a panic every single week. I would love to be super strict for the next year, so we can finally start saving and planning our wedding.
3. Change my routine. Before we moved to Plymouth, I was in a pretty good routine that worked well for me. Gary worked nights at weekends, which was great as I’m most creative at night anyway; and so I did all my work of a night while alone and would go to bed with him when he finished in the morning. I could bang out so much work in those evenings and I used the daytime to do chores, see friends or family, and basically take it easy if and when needed. I know it seems crazy, but I’m a bit of a night owl so getting on the same routine as him was perfect for me. But these days, Gary is now working Monday to Friday, from around 12pm until 10pm, and things have gotten trickier. I now have much less time with him, and when he gets home at 10/11pm, he wants to eat his meal, chill out for half an hour, then go to bed. He’s exhausted after his shifts, and I don’t blame him. However, I’m just ‘coming alive’ and feeling my most creative at that time of night, so I’m in a tricky position. Do I enjoy that small time we have together, and go to bed with him so we can have the morning together too? Or do I stay up, and make the most of my creative burst? Honestly I’ve kind of struggled with this big change, and I’m still in need or perfecting my routine. I’d feel guilty if I didn’t spend that little time we have together with Gary, and I’d feel guilty if I weren’t using my most creative bursts. After some trial and error, I decided I’ll stay up like 3 nights a week to really get creative and do the work that I’m inspired to do, and the other nights I’ll go to bed earlier so I’m on the same routine as Gary, at least a little. It’s a compromise between the two, and I’m hoping this change helps me feel more organised and inspired, as well as feeling like I can still enjoy as much time with Gary as possible.
4. Feel healthier. I know, it’s the same old one again and again. I always say this, and then let myself get back in a bad routine. But I really do want to make some changes, even small, to make myself feel better. I want to dedicate time every few days for exercise; even just regular walks/hikes through the woods or yoga. I want to drink more water, plan meals better, and find healthier snacks to enjoy while I work away for hours at my desk. It’s not even about weight, I just want to feel like I’m treating my body better.
5. Make time for FUN. That sounds weird, doesn’t it? But I tend to get stuck in a constant loop of work, and I’m always either exhausted, or too skint to make nice plans; which absolutely sucks to be honest. So I want to make it a priority to do something fun even just once every 2/3 weeks. Some of you are probably gasping that that’s a goal for me, and can’t imagine yourselves going a few days/a week without doing something fun with friends/your partner etc. Sadly I just don’t earn enough to always be making nice plans or going out with Gary, and I’m still new to Plymouth and don’t know anyone well enough to invite them for a visit. All my close friends and family are in Liverpool, and it can feel like I’m stuck working all the time and not much else. So I’m hoping I can try to make plans for Gary and I, even if small; like going the cinema, taking hikes, going out for a meal/drinks or planning a trip to Liverpool to see people. I just want something to look forward to, often.
Wish me luck, and thanks for reading guys <3
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