This week I’ve been toying with the idea of a bit of a personal post, a general insight into the changes I’ve made in my life lately, and how they’ve helped. If you don’t know already, I suffer from extreme anxiety, stress and lack of self confidence. I can be a big heap of a mess sometimes. I hope by reading this you may feel someone else understands what you are dealing with, or maybe it will help you better understand someone else going through this.
Most of all I’d like people to realise this isn’t a ‘trend’ or a term that should be used lightly. I have sought medical help multiple times and only after years was I diagnosed with Anxiety.
I’ve seen plenty of blogs talking about Anxiety issues these past few months, and it’s great. The more people talk about these issues, the better for everyone. But we need to understand these issues and not encourage people who use the term ‘anxiety’ loosely. The reason I’ve decided to write about this myself is to share my progress, speak about how it’s affected me in specific ways, and hopefully give some tips to help any of you in similar positions.
How It Began-
There is something that happened to me as a child, which I would never wish on anybody. I really don’t want to say what happened, because I think it would hurt. Maybe one day I will, but I’m not ready for that yet. It affected my whole life, and all my relationships. I while do feel I’ve gotten over the worst of it, it has made it harder for me to trust people. And because of this I haven’t spoke about my anxiety/stress issues with friends or family at all really. I’m hoping this post gives me the courage to be open about these issues in the future.
Since my Dad died over three years ago, I’ve suffered with terrible anxiety, stress and depression at various times. I do not consider myself depressed at all now and haven’t for at least a year and half, but it was pretty bleak when I was. I still however have anxiety and stress related issues which affect me in a multitude of ways. I became withdrawn, antisocial and always on the verge of panic. I constantly put on a front when I was with friends, and acted the clown, or as ‘normal’ as possible. I don’t think many of them even knew anything was wrong, which was just how I liked it. The only person I was 100% comfortable around and who seen the truth of me was my boyfriend, Gary. He understood my quick mood changes, my struggles to sleep at night, my utter panic at busy social situations, and he was amazing. Having him there with such constant support, love and friendship gotten me through the worst.
I think it all came to a head around six or seven months ago, and I reached my peak. I was the most stressed I’d ever been, angry all the time, I hated myself and I felt so physically drained too. I ended up going off sick from work for around 2 months, before quitting my job altogether. I couldn’t take it.
What I Did-
I went to see my Doctor, and explained everything I’d been feeling and going through. It was the best thing I did, because she was so understanding and caring, I honestly felt a weight had been lifted. She put me on mild Antidepressants and suggested many ways in which I could improve things, such as talking to people, finding an activity or hobby to put into my routine which calms me, exercise, and various ways of dealing with grief, panic attacks and stress.
Where I Am Now-
I’d like to think I’m totally over it all now, but I know it’s not true. I’m a hell of a lot better, definitely. But there are still times I’ll cancel on a friend because I’m feeling stressed out, or I purposefully won’t attend a social gathering I feel uncomfortable in. There are times when it all feels a little bit too much, and I’m lost.
But I’d say I’m at least 70% better than I was at the start of this year. I am no longer on Antidepressants, although I do have medication for stress/panic attacks if I need it. I have found that since I have begun blogging my mind and thoughts are more organised and focused, I feel a purpose and a passion whilst writing/creating content online. I have began eating better, and by that I don’t mean I’m a total angel; it means I don’t binge anymore, I’m trying new things and I’m watching what I put into my body. I’ve began an exercise streak going over three weeks strong now, by making sure I get at least an hour of exercise every single day. This has felt amazing, and I can see & feel positive changes in my body and mind. I hope to keep this going.
One little thing I will mention, is I’ve also recently come off Cerazette too. For those who don’t know, this is a version of the contraceptive pill that stops your periods altogether. I was on this for around 6 years, and had no problems. I was put on it because my periods were so bad that I was in agony every month. This solved this and I felt much better. The reason I’ve decided to come off it though is because every pill has side effects, and a common one with this is ‘moodiness’. So in the interest of trying to help in every way I can, I decided to come off this pill to see if that helps too. I do feel it might have, but it’s a little early to tell. Still, if you are on this you might want to consider this too.
Also, recently my mum has been hospitalised multiple times, for stress. It seems I’m not the only one in this family to suffer from it, and I’ve known she has for years really. It got so bad though for her she has been seriously ill for months. She’s on the mend now, and we understand each other in a way we never have before. We both know the importance now of not letting life get on top of us, and learning to deal with stress. It was the scare we both needed (unfortunately) to change our lives. I’m hoping we can help each other on this journey, but she’s been dealing with this a lot longer than me and I do think it will be even harder for her.
In all honesty, I’ve no idea at all. I’m making positive changes and I hope to keep that going always. I never want to get drawn into these problems so much again, and I feel I have the support I need too, which means the world to me.
I hope everyone is okay with me posting on such a personal and important issue as this, and I would love any feedback you could give. If you are going through problems like this, or need someone to talk to, feel free to leave me a message, or an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I’ll be an ear for you 🙂
I think I just wanted to explain how these issues have affected me, but also how I’ve learned to help myself and lessen these problems. I hope that by reading this maybe one or two of you could find comfort knowing it’s not forever.
Thanks for reading guys x
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