If you aren’t an artist, or creatively inclined at all; you may never think about this. But this is something that has played on my mind for years and years, since I was in College. I always wanted a recognisable style, I wanted to be known for a particular…something. But the problem is my personality, at it’s core, isn’t one to stay the same.
Let me explain.
Okay so one minute I’ll be working with watercolour, really trying to work my on my skills, and I’ll feel SO happy when I realise how much I’m improving. I’ll get in a zone where I’m like, ‘YUP this is it, I’m a watercolour artist now’; and for weeks that’s all I’ll concentrate on. I’ll study techniques and I’ll find new artists who inspire me and I’ll experiment with colour and style in this medium.
And then.. I just won’t fancy using watercolours one day. So I decide to take a little break. Maybe I’ll pick up my drawing tablet, to do some digital creations today. Before I know it, I’m in the zone again; I’m exploring techniques to draw better digitally and I’m practising over and over into the late hours of the night.
I become totally obsessed with a new style, technique, or art form and I feel myself developing. It’s exciting and motivating, and brings me to life.
I’ve always been someone who loves change though. I insist I love something, become bewitched with it and I think I’ll never want it any different, and then the month after I’ll have flipped a total 180 and love something else. My hair colour comes to mind here.
I can’t help but love diving into something new and trying my hand at something else. I love keeping things fresh and challenging myself, but this can sometimes make me feel not as worthy as other creators. I’m the worst for starting a project and then not quite finishing it, or at least not pulling it off like I planned. I see other creators who have a signature style and medium, and I think, ‘Man, I suck. What am I doing?!‘.
I think it comes down to identity. I’d love to have a very clear aesthetic when it comes to my Art.
I’d love to be able to clearly and unquestionably say I’m ‘this’ kind of Artist, when introducing myself to people or talking about the work I do. But I struggle, and end up making a joke about being a ‘Jack of all trades’ sort of creator. It’s a defence mechanism to be honest. I haven’t quite got the confidence to say, ‘I’m an Artist, and I explore lots of different mediums. Sometimes I’m a painter, sometimes Illustration is my thing. Sometimes I work solely on Collage Art combined with poetry’. I wish I did have the confidence, because this doesn’t sound bad now that I’ve written this out, does it?
But comparison is always the thief of joy, and I regularly think of my inspirations like Gemma Correll, Viktorija Semjonova and Ella Masters. These artists have work I could recognise a mile off, and it’s bloody wonderful! I feel like I’ll never get to that level of success though if I keep dipping my toes into different styles, like I’m hindering myself a little.
But I just CAN’T help it. I feel that pure rush of joy and almost childish excitement at trying something new and it’s definitely one of the best feelings I have ever experienced. It keeps me motivated and brings the fun into every piece of work I do, meaning I never have to get bored. Believe me, I’ve tried to stick to one style before, and I got so, so depressed pretty quickly. Also, I’m not using the word depressed lightly here. I questioned my whole identity.
So as much as I think it would help me advance if I had a clear and recognisable style that I stuck to; I think I’ve come to accept that I just can’t be like that. I want to be able to work myself into a frenzy over collage Art for days upon days, before putting away the scissors and deciding to pick up a paintbrush. I want you guys to follow my journey over on Instagram stories whenever I start a new painting. I want to be able to explore ink, clay, photography, digital drawing, watercolour or charcoal. I want to be a chameleon Artist who isn’t afraid to completely change her colours.
So I hope you’ll understand me a little more now, and respect my Art even though it may not be something you’ll always recognise. I am so, so grateful for those of you who seem to love everything I try to do, it means more to me than you could ever know.
My latest creative love? Digital art drawings. Especially these custom ones I’m creating on Etsy for people. Who knows what will be next? Either way, I’m sure I’ll be happy.
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