So it’s finally happening. Next month, on April 16th; I will turn 30. I’ve been dreading this ever since my 21st birthday, which sounds very dramatic doesn’t it? I can remember crying on my 21st birthday because I hated the idea of getting older, and then consoling myself by thinking ‘I’m not really a proper adult until 30, it’s fine!‘. It’s not a fear of getting older as such, it’s more that I have this fear of responsibility and being ‘grown up’. It all felt way too scary and real for me; I wanted to be a kid forever and live a life of spontaneity and recklessness.
But here’s the thing; I’m already an adult, who has lots of ‘grown up’ things going on in her life. And I’m really not that much of a spontaneous person, so I’m not sure why I was trying to be. I like who I am and the life I’m leading, so my old fears seem a bit ridiculous right now.
I thought by this point I’d be super anxious and sad about entering my thirties; but I really couldn’t be happier! I run my own small business, I’m more ambitious and driven than ever, I have a loving and wonderful fiance, two cute cats, a lovely home, great friends and family, and plans to start our own family as soon as possible. I’m doing pretty well, and I feel more content with myself than ever.
Sure I still have insecurities and I feel like this will be a lifelong battle; but I feel like I’ve grown into someone much more secure than I used to be. It felt like my early twenties were confusing, clumsy, full of mistakes, feeling lost and full of doubt. I wish I could go back and tell my younger self that everything will be okay, that I should focus on the things I love, and I should REALLY stop caring what other people think. But it was a journey learning these lessons, and it’s made me into who I am now.
I’ve been trying to think if there’s anything I’d like to do or achieve in this last month of my twenties, and the only thing that came to mind was getting pregnant, haha! But that’s because I want to anyway, not just that I have this weird obsession with getting preggers before the big 3-0. Other than that, I’m really happy with how things are!
It’s great to aspire to things and always have goals, but in these rare times in life when everything is pretty swell; I think we should celebrate it. So for the next month, I’m celebrating ME.
I’m happy. I’m lucky. I’m inspired. I’m loved.
Bring on 30, and let’s smash this next era of my life!
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