I’m still working out the specific date that I’ll officially be back to work, but it’s guaranteed to be in the next two or three weeks. My time on maternity leave is coming to an end, and I’m both thrilled and terrified.
Thrilled, because work makes me incredibly happy and is a big part of who I am. I love my job and I can’t wait to start this next chapter.
Terrified because nothing is changing in terms of baby duties. I still have a 7 month old to look after, Gary is still working just as much, and River won’t be starting nursery until September. Which means I still have all the normal day to day duties to do, except now I ALSO have to be working on a business by myself, running it, creating products, promoting them, shipping items, and hopefully making enough money to keep us all alive. Wow. No pressure then. It’s SO, so scary.
The past seven months have been wonderful, and exhausting. But no matter how busy I was, or stressed, or lonely, the one thing that was certain at least; was that every two weeks, I would get paid maternity allowance. There would be a guaranteed amount of money there for us, to buy food, nappies and pay bills. So in 2 weeks, that guarantee is going, and it’s scary to say the least. Every time I think about it I get a knot in my stomach and feel my heart beat a little faster.
If I had more help with River, and more free time to work; I may not feel so anxious. It would still be scary, but I’d at least tell myself I can just work and work and work and determination will get me through!
However I know I’ll still be just as busy being a Mum, and running a business will somehow have to be squeezed in there too. I’m not the first to do it, and certainly won’t be the last, but I can’t help but wonder how the hell anyone does this! It seems impossible, but I’m so determined to do my best.
I’m predicting a lot of late nights, tired days, many cups of coffee, and a lot of begging for help.
It’ll be really rough at first, but after about 8 weeks of slogging it out and juggling everything, River will be going to daycare two mornings a week. It’ll be from around 8am until 1pm, and it should give me some small but precious time to get work done. So there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve found it fascinating chatting to different people about how they felt about going back to work, and what it means for them. I have friends who are dreading it, and some who can’t wait. It’s a different journey for everyone. Because I’m self employed, I feel like I’m in-between both worlds really. I have this new pressure of earning enough for us, which I’m dreading. But in terms of free time from being a Mum, and getting to work again? I can’t wait! It’ll be bloody lovely. I love my son, obviously, but there’s nothing quite like feeling like my old self again.
So for the next two or three weeks, I’m soaking up all the family time I can, and trying to enjoy this last part of maternity leave.
Wish me luck on the next chapter please, I could use it! 🙂
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