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Social Anxiety

2nd March 2017

 

So, over a month ago I got some pretty shitty news. And it totally knocked me off my usual happy balance. I’ve felt lost, unmotivated, unsure of myself, and SO lacking in any confidence.

In fact, it seemed to have affected my confidence so much, that it changed things about me I wouldn’t have even expected. I’m a pretty social person usually, I LOVE seeing my friends, going out with Gary, planning fun things, and generally trying to find as many blog events close to me as possible.

However, throughout February my confidence stopped everything. I cancelled on friends continuously, even though I wanted to spend time with them. I asked Gary if we could stay in and order takeout, or watch a movie; rather than go out. I was supposed to do restaurant reviews, go to blog events, and go work on some cool projects. I cancelled everything, no matter how much I told myself I wouldn’t.

I avoided leaving the house at all if possible.

Social anxiety started to take over a little, and it’s hard to go into WHY; but basically I just felt so low with my self esteem. I felt ugly, and ‘on show’ in public, I got anxious at the thought of being with friends/people in general. I didn’t want anyone to ask what was up, and I didn’t want to have to pretend I was happy. I just wasn’t myself at all.

Even though I’m not going to talk about the bad news I got, I will say this; It’s REALLY hard to pick yourself up when something you’ve been working towards falls through, and you feel really unsure of things you always thought you knew. So I’ve needed this time to get back on my feet again.

I spoke about this briefly on one of my recent Youtube videos, about how I’m slowly trying to put myself back together. Actually, this is a perfect example – Youtube! I’m trying to push myself once again. Trying to get motivated and believe in myself once again – I’m hoping my confidence will come back. I’m now enjoying a much more relaxed attitude to Youtube, and I’m really loving it! So yeah, gimme a little subscribe? (shameless plug).

Anyway, I’m here! I’m trying to get back to the Jemma you all know, and sort of like sometimes 😉

I’m determined to make March a much better one, and get my damn mojo back! In fact, I’ve even took the plunge and agreed to give a masterclass at #BlogConLDN – EEK! So if you’re attending on March 18th, you’ll find me nervously bumbling my way through that, with plenty of passion! Please do say hello, as I’m absolutely going to need support/friends around!

I also booked myself a stay over trip a few days later, again in London, for the Makeup Revolution 3rd Birthday party! I was invited last year but I never made the trip. This year I’m excited to be attending, but super nervous. Everyone else will no doubt look like a model and I’ll be an EGG. Ughhh. But I’ll get drunk and hope for the best.

March also means saying goodbye to local Liverpool bloggers! On the 11th I’m meeting up with some amazing local babes to have a drink and a day of catching up, before I move to Plymouth (end of April). I’m sad to be leaving, but it’ll feel so nice to know that in my time blogging, I’ve made some amazing friends here who I’ll treasure always. Cue the tears though…

This week? Gary and I have been the cinema to see the Lego Batman movie (hilarious) and I’ve even rearranged some of those blog meetings/brand collabs I cancelled in February. I feel really proud, and I hope to stick to them! Here’s to slowly building my confidence back up. I’m not all there yet… and sorry to friends I have cancelled on repeatedly. I really am. It’s a struggle for me at the moment.

 

But hopefully this is the start of a better month.

Love you guys <3

 

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  2. I can definitely relate to this! For me social anxiety has always been a part of my life, and it always creeps in every now and then – usually in the most inconvenient moments..! 😀 I hope March shapes out to be a better month for you!

    Laura // Middle of Adventure

  3. Oh Jemma, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through a bad time, shocking news affects everyone differently so don’t be too hard on yourself, true friends will always be there for you no matter what you’re going through and even if you cancel on them they’ll understand, same goes for readers/viewers. It’s good to hear you’re slowly starting to get back on track and build up your confidence again, you’ve got some wonderful things to look forward too. Sending all my love.

    Sharon xx

    ps. you will not look like an egg, you’ll look bloody gorgeous!

  4. I totally understand how you feel, there was a time where I would literally never leave the house and all I wanted to do was stay in, and see nobody. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling this way, because it can be pretty crappy! Hopefully you’re heading in the right direction and getting back to your ‘usual’ self, but take your time and make sure you feel 100% better!

    Lucy | Forever September

  5. So sorry to hear about the time you’ve been having! I understand the feeling of shutting yourself away after bad news, it can be really difficult to pull yourself from feeling that way, but on a more positive note you sound like you’re heading in a good direction I hope everything goes well for you you deserve it 🙂

    Hannah | Granite City Girl xx

  6. This is such a great post Jemma and I’m sorry to hear you’ve been feeling low! i know exactly where you’re coming from and also know you’re strong and will get through this and kick social anxiety’s butt. It seems like a hard thing to do, but you’ve got this and you’ve got a lot of support too! Sending so much love your way xx

    Lauren <3

  8. Social anxiety is the worst! I am such a hermit the only times I push myself out when I’m not doing work is for my kids, I know how hard it is and I’ve struggled with no confidence pretty much all my life. The make up rev party is really going to test me! I’m shitting bricks not gonna lie! I’m also excited though and pushing my boundaries and of course getting to meet you and amazing blogger babes. Take every day as it comes you will soon bounce back to the colourful happy gem we all know and love xx

  11. I would like to give you hugs when I see you at BlogConLDN (saying something as I don’t like to hug people). Sending all the internet fuzzy feelings and hooray for starting to come out the other side of this shite time of it. Sending lots of good vibes and stuff. See you in a few weeks my lovely!

  14. Really sorry about the bad news, I’ve had social anxiety since i was 13 at one point i literally couldn’t leave my front gate or pay at a shop without being swarmed with chest pains and heart palpitations and harsh thoughts. It’s gotten easier (I know it’s tough to believe) but it does and you will learn to manage your anxieties and in the mean time you can always drop me a email or something if you need a little chat!, I’ll understand and try my best to help with anything i can even if it’s just being a listening ear, BTW i love the new look for your blog! xx
    All the best,
    Charlie! – http://www.charlieswonderland.co.uk/

  15. It is so good that you shared this. I think some people cannot understand that someone as positive as you (or me sometimes) can get like this but it can happen to any of us. I really hope your break and time to do nothing has helped and that you realise it is not a weakness it is an excellent means of self preservation.

  16. I love you for sharing posts like this and I 100% know how you feel, I always look for comfort staying indoors and I have to push myself to get out there. I’m super proud of you rescheduling those meetings. I hope March brings you a month full of happiness!
    jen | velvet spring x

  17. I’m sorry to hear that February was rough for you and your social anxiety. I have GAD and I can relate to those days where forcing yourself to get up and do stuff is really hard. It’s good that you’re rescheduling work now that you’re feeling a little better. It’s always worth it taking time to look after yourself mentally over other commitments.

    https://thelittlemouselife.wordpress.com

  19. Anxiety is a bitch. Basically. I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Some days are better than others. But recently, I feel like I’ve taken 10 steps back in recovering from anxiety, and depression. I cry, a lot, and don’t want to get out of bed some days. I certainly don’t feel up to social things. So I can definitely relate. I hope you feel happier, less anxious soon, and know that you are not alone <3 x http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk x